Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
