I think I died a long time ago.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Even my vagina gasped.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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