May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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