From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
