She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
