you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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