tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My vagina just recognized that song.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
