Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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