I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
