The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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