I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
