dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize