you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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