i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
only you would photoshop your dick
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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