Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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