I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize