What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
