My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
