i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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