I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The beer is more important than you right now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
