you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
