My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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