I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
