she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize