How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I skipped work to stalk him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
