You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
