He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
