I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
