Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize