Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
