You really coming over, don't trick.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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