i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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