every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
