I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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