I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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