omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
