the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
