I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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