That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
