We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
