i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
