never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
