I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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