So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My dick has a subreddit
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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