Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
