Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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