Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I supernannyed him into submission
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
