Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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