Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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