Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the condom got lost in my hair
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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