I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
