Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
