I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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