it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
