Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love having hate sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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