I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am spending my child support on dildos
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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