I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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