I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
