yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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