Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
