I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
