Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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