Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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