i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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