Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
