Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
