To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
