Banned from zoo.
Again?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
