I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
