I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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