I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
