The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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