i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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