god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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