In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
