You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
