remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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