Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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