oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
