I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
