I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
