I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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