Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So many bounce houses so little time
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
